Hey what’s good y’all – I know it’s been a hot minute since I’ve blogged about my Japan trip that I took last November. I was slated to continue with Day 4: Part 3 of the trip (which I was super excited to write about!); however, life got in the way, priorities shifted, and a lot has happened since late May of this year – excuse me for the two month absence.
With that said, I had one of those moments this week where I just didn’t want to go out of my way to talk to people in general, and just spend that time to focus on the most important thing that I’ve been keeping up with in constantly improving – me.
It was just one of those moments where I just wanted to shut down a lot of my social energy, and use that to catch up on some of the things that I was really happy to do, like take today for example – I spent some time backing up a few years of photos that I’ve taken onto my External Hard Drive, and I finally finished up one of the best indie games on the Nintendo Switch – Golf Story. It’s a Golf RPG (role playing game) that has quite a unique personality of its own, and the golf mechanics/gameplay itself is really fun. It took me a while since I had a long hiatus with this game (since other games got in the way lol… I know, excuses haha JUDGE ME.), and man…when I finished the last part of the game, I was just like OHHHH HAILLLL YEAHHHHHH that was just a good way to end the late afternoon, CHYEAH.
Anyway, today feels pretty appropriate to keep it 235% (or keep it real, but more than 100% if you know what I mean). As it is pretty conspicuous from the title, I have quite a bit on my mind to write and reflect about.
Even though we’re still living in covid times (and most recently, the whole thing about federal agents flocking our city and wreaking havoc and violating rights against protesters unnecessarily has contributed to how bad it has been especially in Portland), it has been pretty tough to maintain a sense of optimism and positivity as a whole – we still have to be very meticulous about going out, and keeping up with what’s going on in the States as we face an uncertainty of this country’s future and just constantly wondering when things are going to go back to “normal,” or how it was before covid became such a huge thing.
That being said, I’ve somehow (surprisingly) been able to stay afloat and keep my spirits and energy as high and up as possible, but I have to admit – I do have days (and even from my last “Keepin’ it 235%” post) where I just want to be alone in my thoughts (not wanting to talk to anyone unless there’s an emergency or something urgent came up) and spend that time to rest and refresh myself through various means – whether it be to catch up on things that I’ve wanted to do for a while, or just chill and recharge the batteries, especially getting a bit more sleep.
Since I’ve moved to Portland a couple years ago (wow…it feels a lot longer than that to be honest…more like 10 years than just two…), I realize that even though being social is one of my strengths, I thrive on being more introverted and just keeping it low-key more often than not – there’s definitely a sense of refocusing and the ability for me to recharge more appropriately in the daily grind cycle that I’ve been able to create for myself here day after day, week after week – I love it. I love how I’m able to be more selfish and take more time for myself because in the end, I am the one who is responsible for me (if that makes any sense).
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I put myself above others… I’m just saying that I’ve been to value myself just as much as others who I care for and keep in touch with when I can. I think that’s an important thought to embrace because living life (especially in these times of covid) isn’t about being on your own, it’s about being a part of a great team – a movement of people just trying to make it, trying to be successful, and trying to find purpose in life.
Ever since I finished going to therapy (I went for a while from late October of last year to early February of this year), I was able to recognize the biggest flaw that I’ve had all of these years:
I realized that I honestly didn’t believe in myself, and I had an inferiority complex that was always not only trying to protect the feelings of others, but also believing that even though a lot of good and success have come out of my life, the few things that haven’t gone my way completely overshadow all that I’ve done to do well in. I felt like a nobody for the longest time and that I was easily replaceable, especially someone who is better looking than me. Having these thoughts made me chronically depressed and empty inside throughout the years.
I couldn’t believe any of this until I thought more about it and admitted it (both to myself, and to my therapist). As a man (and especially in Asian Culture growing up), we were taught never to show any weakness or any vulnerabilities in order to protect ourselves from any danger (whether it be physical, or more importantly, mental).
“Gotta be tough, right? Gotta be tough. That’s how you can be tough. Don’t be soft. Don’t show any weakness. Mental Health? Whatever, it’s not a big deal, just grow the fuck up and tough it out because you’re a man. You are better than that, and you don’t have time for working on your mental health…the hell? Waste of time.” These were the thoughts that were on my mind for the longest time, and I was so afraid to talk about my mental health issues because I thought people might make fun of me and think I’m not tough and strong enough to realize my potential to be successful and have a purpose in life.
I’ve always felt this way until I heard about a particular NBA player who admitted seeing a therapist about mental health by the name of Kevin Love (and thank goodness for this person, seriously). He admitted that he was seeing a therapist in March 2018, and five months later, he talked about mental health awareness, and how he’s found his life’s work.
As a side note, Kevin Love was motivated by one of my favorite NBA players, DeMar DeRozan (who publicly talked about his struggles with depression) – thank you as well, my man.
Even though we share the same name and a love for basketball, I was really happy to learn that basketball players as high-profile as these guys were talking about mental health in this manner. I was so surprised too because I didn’t realize that NBA players had similar struggles like what I have been going through. It was really inspiring and motivating to see, and I took this thought going into therapy with much tenacity to figure out what was going on with me and why am I struggling with my own mental health.
After realizing my biggest flaws, I worked tremendously hard with my therapist to make that mental switch and realize that I am important and that I’ve come a long way in my life. I don’t need to harbor an inferiority complex anymore, and can rely on my greatest strengths to get me through my days and not let what I lack overshadow them by any means – my positivity, my insane amount of energy, and my relentless work ethic to strive for more and more success with and for the people around me.
With this being said, I am still a work-in-progress and will continue to convert my weaknesses into my strengths as much as I can.
I’m very glad to say that since finishing therapy in Early February of this year – I’ve been much happier with who I am and how far I’ve come. Last year was a great learning experience (especially with me finding my own groove and my own daily grind process to embrace and keep on going with), and this year has just been continuing the daily grind and seeing the fruits of my labor (in both my overall physical shape + my career) come to reality. I finally am able to say that I believe in myself, my abilities, and that I hope others can find their inner strength to do the same if they haven’t been able to yet.
Major credit to my close friend Tiffani for those uncomfortable, but necessary conversations that we had and encouraging me to go seek professional help (in this case, seeing a therapist) – she may be the most demanding person I’ve ever met, but the loyalty and care that she brings is unquestionable. She also helped me find my first Portland friend (outside of work) in her then fiancé now husband Kyle, and these two got me into Orangetheory (a type of HIIT fitness gym) that helped contribute to my overall better physical shape.
Besides Tiffani, I gotta give major credit to two of my close friends – Tony and Steven.
Whether it was motivating me to be #1, and always trying to achieve perfection from Tony, or teaching me not to take things too personally, keep more levelheaded, and keep things real from Steven, they’ve been the guys that I trusted with whatever was going on in my life for the longest time (whether it be with love, career, friends, anything).
In addition, I want to also give major credit to close friends Jason, Sunny, Edward, and Harvey for being there for me as well throughout the years. Jason has always set the standard of what it means to be ambitious and family goals, Sunny is the nicest, giving community type of person you’ll ever meet, Edward is really good with asking how are things and asking the right, caring questions whenever we catch up, and Harvey is a person who continues to strive to be better through any adversity he faces through it all.
Last but not least, I’d like to give major credit to another close friend (even though we’ve only known each other for just a few years) – Roberto. Besides being very caring and generous / thoughtful with gifts and care packages, he embodies the daily grind everyday – he was one of the very few who inspired me to have a process like that.
When you have awesome people like these that I’ve mentioned in your corner, how can you not be motivated to be the best you can be? Every one of them is irreplaceable – thank you.
As you may or may not know (besides my love for both basketball and soccer) I love Tennis – I watch it pretty much everyday (even old footage of highlights/matches of the past during covid times), I breathe it, I think about it, I eat it for breakfast, I used to play on the JV Tennis Team in High school, I played with the UC Davis Tennis Club in college (whether it be intramurals or other club sanctioned in-house competitions), I would play with my close friend Tony whenever I visit Southern California for the past couple years, and I’ve recently started playing more (along with reconstructing my game to get back into playing more competitively).
With my ongoing marathon training (again, for those who may or may not know), I figured that getting more back into tennis is a nice changeup and a great addition to my overall training regiment – it’s one of those things that I just love doing – I recently spent 2.5 hours at a local tennis center (even though it’s closed indefinitely for now) / park area where there was a wall that I could hit tennis balls against. I gotta tell ya – I haven’t felt this good about playing competitively again for the longest time.
I’ve recently been playtesting/demoing a couple rackets as of late (since I’ve been looking to switch up from using my ultra heavy Wilson nCode nSix-One 95s that I’ve had for the past 15 years), and it’s gotten me to feel good about playing more often forreal.
To be honest, I want to play again not only to make up for lost time when I went through long periods of time not playing as much I would like after college, but also, I want to play as Kevin J. Set who still has a lot to prove as a tennis player… and in the right, fair mindset without any ulterior motives, let me explain.
Before I continue, this is the first time I’ve mentioned this to anybody.
One of the biggest things I wanted to do in high school was to be on the Tennis team. It was a dream of mine to play on Varsity. I had a fantastic coach named Corey Brown who taught me how to play since 5th/6th grade. He taught me all about the game – the fundamentals, match play, everything.
When I got into High School, I tried out my freshman year, and unfortunately, I didn’t get in. I tried out my sophomore year, and I was able to get in and feel really good about it. I felt like I belonged and was one of the cool kids ON THE TENNIS TEAM. CHYEAH.
We had a surplus of JV players by the end of my sophomore year, and coach had to have us re-tryout the next year. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to retain my JV status on the tennis team in my junior year.
As a result, I was extremely frustrated and jealous (yes not envious, jealous…there’s a big difference) of people who were on the team. I was very salty, and I tried my very best to tryout again my senior yr (with the very slim chance that I could somehow make it to varsity), but wasn’t able to do so – I took a huge confidence hit in both junior and senior years (and the high school drama that was going on that I was involved in didn’t help at all), and all I could do was just to practice and try to get better on my own. I would have times when I would feel sorry for myself and just hit against a wall at a park next to where I lived just so that I can take out my anger and saltiness towards the most consistent, unbreakable hitting partner in the world – the wall.
Later on, I realized that I went into trying out for the team for the wrong reasons – the biggest one being to save face, feel entitled, and act as if I’ve been part of the team throughout my high school years, when in fact…I was only part of the team for one year (my sophomore year in high school on Junior Varsity). This extreme jealousy lasted until I entered UC Davis for my undergraduate studies.
My love for the sport renewed freshman year in college when I joined the UC Davis Tennis Club as a member – I was able to find people to hit with and they were all about being inclusive rather than being exclusive. That really helped me get my confidence back into playing. I felt included without the pressure of being “good” enough to join a team just to play with others at a high level.
I was able to compete and participate in intramurals for both singles + doubles (shoutout to Ian as my doubles partner for one of the intramurals. He was really fun to play with and we had a great time as doubles partners). I also played in the club-sanctioned in-house tournaments that would happen on certain weekends of the year.
I also made some awesome friends who I would play tennis with on the regular throughout my college days at UC Davis – shoutout to Karina, Malissa, Eddie, Alan, Lap, and Lester!
After college and during the past several years, usually the only person I would hit with is my close friend Tony. We’ve always had our great, fun battles in the numerous of matches we would play against each other, and there were times (as of the last two years) where we would play doubles both with and against each other with random people.
I have to say that he’s been a fantastic person to play tennis with, and I guess that got me thinking for the past year…maybe I should take up the sport more seriously – I know Tony has been practicing quite a bit on his end. I want to as well! Why not? (especially now since I’m in a much better mental state than before as I’ve mentioned earlier in this blog post).
With my renewed mind and spirit this year, I can finally say that I want to get back into playing competitive tennis because I want to, and for the right reasons – I love this sport, I think it’s really fun, I’m in pretty good shape to play for hours without any major injury issues or caveats at the moment, and I want to get better and play more at a competitive level because I think I have the potential to play really well. I don’t want my skills to be wasted, and I know that I can play at a high level if given the chance to do so.
I’ve recently been talking to one of my close friends, Elton, about tennis, and he mentioned that he used to play for a local club league team and that I should check to see if I can do that in Portland. What a great idea.
To wrap this all up – I’m still a man on a mission:
- Like everyone else, to be the very best person I can be for myself and for others around me who I care about the most.
- Continue to improve in body, mind, heart, and spirit.
- Continue my long-distance running marathon training + diet regime.
- Continue my journey back into competitive tennis.
- Continue to keep up with my other important priorities in my life, including our video game podcast that I do with Darrel + Bec + Sergio + TJ via the “Nintendo Jump Podcast” (check us out y’all – we’re on all of the podcasting apps including Spotify). Shoutout to you four forreal – we’re still going strong and it’s been such a great ride so far. I appreciate the work that all of us have done (especially to foster what I believe to be the most encouraging, positive gaming community out there in the universe) so far and will continue to do in the future.
Anyway, that’s me keepin’ it 235%. Thanks for reading and listening to what I have to say. I know it’s quite a bit, but I felt the need to share my story that I believe is relatable and hopefully can reach out to others who may have had the same struggles that I had for the longest of time. Mental Health is very important to take care of, and it should never be taken lightly. To be honest, I always wanted to talk about this, but withheld my story for a long time until now.
With that being said, I will be getting back into talking about my last November Japan Trip soon.
As I’ve mentioned before in previous blog posts, take care y’all, stay proactive and stay safe during these tough, challenging times during this whole COVID-19 outbreak. Be kind to each other, and respect one another – treat others as how you want to be treated during these covid times.
One more thing before I bounce until next time – there’s a quote that I really like from one of my favorite NBA players – Damian Lillard:
“If you want to look good in front of thousands, you have to outwork thousands in front of nobody.”
Cheers / wave
Listen to what you see. 
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